Liebster Award. More Things You Didn’t Need To Know About Me

by Cookie

So my blogging buddy Don has nominated me for this Liebster Award.  It’s awesome because I like to talk about myself, and he was a good enough friend to give me another opportunity to without me having to look like a narcissistic douche.

Did you know that the word Liebster in German means “sweetheart, darling, beloved”?  I’m not sure I actually fit those descriptions, much less deserve an award for being any of those things, but what the hell.  And my inflammatory, curse word friendly blog could be described as just about anything besides darling, but here goes:

First, I am required to tell you 11 things about myself.

1.  I am fluent in two languages, but can swear in at least 7.   Surprised?  You obviously don’t read my fucking blog enough.

2.  I have three dogs.  One of them is retarded, one is neurotic, and the other is an asshole.  Good luck to any would-be burglar.

3.  I have one toddler, a beautiful little Destroyer of All Things, and am about 80 months pregnant.  After 30 weeks, every week feels like 5.  Looking forward to the summer where I have 3 dogs on a leash, a toddler on a leash and a stroller to push.  Thank goodness I was smart enough to buy a stroller with cup holders, so I have somewhere to put my gin.

4.  I am a zoologist by formal education, a musician by training, and a teacher by God knows what laws of the universe.

5.  I’m a rocking fisherwoman.  Especially when I’m drunk.

6.  I can fit my whole fist in my mouth.

7.  I can’t make jello.  Not even a little bit.  Not even with tequila in it.

8. I have to sit on the outside chair in the movie theater or I feel trapped and dizzy.  Panic attack anyone?

9.  I love to read young adult dystopian novels.  Light enough for bedtime reads with a good enough story to hold my interest.  Also shows that I secretly hope the world will end.

10. I can’t skate.  Not even a little bit.  Not even with tequila in me.

11.  A Canadian who hates hockey.  And here you thought I was the perfect woman.

Then I have to answer 11 questions from Don:

1. If you could introduce your husband or boyfriend to someone and had to tell his occupation during the introduction, what would you want that occupation to be  Chicago Blackhawks player?
2. Pancakes or waffles?
   Fuck you.  I’m pregnant so I get both and don’t have to choose.
3. Favorite professional sports team?  Indianopolis Colts.  Peyton Manning doesn’t know it, but he is my favourite person of all time, too.
4. City in the USA not named New York, Boston, LA, Dallas, Chicago or Miami that you’d like to visit?
   Somewhere in Montana where there aren’t any people.
5. Vacation time!  Where do you go if it can be anywhere? Probably Italy.  I love spaghetti.
6. What’s a regret you have that sometimes eats at you? Passing up my chance at fame.
7. You can change one thing about your husband/boyfriend.  What is that thing?
   I would totally make him rich.  That would cancel out any of his other flaws.
8. When’s the last time you were drunk?
   31 weeks ago……
9. What would you do for a Klondike bar?
   I’m pregnant.  I’d beat a man to death for a Klondike bar.
10. If you could…if Jesus insisted that you murder one person, who would it be (I’m excluded please) –
    That fat little puke running North Korea.  He’s got to go.
11. Best thing you’ve ever eaten?
    I have no idea.  But the best thing I ever ate until I knew what it was was Beef tongue.  In France, by accident.  so good, and then guess what?  It’s tongue. Can I get a “fuck me?”

And now…….

11 questions of my bloggers:

1. How do you like your eggs?
2. What would be your superhero power?
3. Who kicks better ass?  Buffy or Blade?
4. If you killed someone, how would you dispose of the body? 
5. It’s the zombie apocalypse.  What is your weapon of choice?
6. If you ever got plastic surgery, what would you get done?
7. You get to bring back one dead celebrity.  Someone who died “tragically” or “way too early”.  Who would it be?
8. Would you marry for money?
9. What one thing do you cook really well?
10. Favourite movie of all time?
11. What made you start blogging?

And now, my nominees.  There are many blogs I read.  Some are hilarious.  Some make me cry.  Some are fascinating.  Some have really nice pictures.  At any rate, I like to read a lot of diverse shit, but the stuff I like the best involves real people with real stories.  I like to hear about your day, and feel like I am part of this little online community.  It’s kinda cool.  Like a support group, lol.

Anyway, Here are some of my very favourite blogs, that I read every day:

1. Extreme mom  Her posts are short, sweet, right to the fucking point and hilarious.  Go see!
2. Snoozing on the Sofa.   It’s nice to hear a Dad’s perspective on shit.  Funny parenting stories from a man who isn’t Don, therefore I’m sure most of them are true.
3. My thoughts on a page.  A real Irish woman!  NO fucking way!
4. The Best Life.  She got me started blogging.  6 feet of pure goddess.  And she has babies, too!
5. Mom and Boys.  A single mom of two tiny ones.  I don’t know how she does it.
6. Journey Into the Spectrum.  I know she was nominated already, but we yak almost every day between our posts.  Plus, I love a Mexican Texan.
7. Shan’s Shenanigans.  We bonded over a child porn scandal involving Maclean’s magazine.  She stole my online heart.
8. The Superstitious Naked Ape.  Odd, because we have extremely different views on religion and life, but his blog is thoughtful and well written, and totally fucking fascinating.
9. The World’s Top 10 of Anything and Everything.  I love lists.  And I love lists with pictures!
10. Between Love and Chaos. A mommy blog that is honest and real. 
11. Sass and Balderdash.  Sassy Katie makes me laugh and strive to be better at sarcasm!