I Know

by Cookie

Hey!  It’s Hot On The Titties Friday!  Remember those?

I don’t have much of a rant for you today, but I DO have an opinion.

I am living proof that it is impossible to be a working mom and give it all to all the important things.  There is just no way to give your all to everything and not expect something to suffer.

Believe what you want to believe, Bitches, but it can’t be done.  Even if you manage to not miss any work, clean the house, feed everyone, spend time with your children ( and watching TV doesn’t count), something is going to suffer.  And that something will be you.

You will be so exhausted that you can’t even hold a conversation with your spouse other than “I’m going to make some tea and go to bed”

And you know what I’ve decided?  I have decided to no longer feel guilty when I say “no” to things that have nothing to do with my family.  “No” to more work.  “No” to that performance. “No” to anything other than the commitments I’ve already made to myself.

And you why?  Because I love my kids more than I love my job(s).  And I do love my job, but at the end of the day, it comes a far second to my family.

Sometimes, I’ve decided, it’s better to do with less in order to have more.

And I respect all the career women out there who work full time.  You do what you gotta do.  But if I was a gambling type of girl, I would bet that something is suffering in your life.

Maybe I just took on a few too many things this year.  Maybe I just would rather spend more time with my babies before they get too big too fast.  Probably a little of both.

But last night, my Twee Destroyer put it all in perspective once again.

I have been extraordinarily busy the past few weeks.  It’s looking to keep up a good pace until the Christmas break.  And I feel guilty, because the one who misses out on the most time with me is her.  Because Buddy is just so little and needy still.  She’s been acting like a little bit of an asshole, and I’m pretty sure it’s because she misses me since whenever I manage to spend some extra time with her, she becomes her delightful little self again.

So last night, I was extremely jealous of Husband who had put her to bed  (while I was busy trying to calm a teething Buddy) and came downstairs to declare that Destroyer had said “I love you Daddy”.

I was choked.  I was missing out.  I wanted to cry.

And then before I went to bed, I went in to check on her and make sure she was tucked in.  Wide awake, she let me snuggle into to bed for a moment.

I looked at her and said, “I love you, Baby D”.  Hoping to get the same response as Daddy.  Hoping that all the extra time away didn’t make her sad.  And she looked up at me and said:

“I know.”

Even better.