Dear Anti-Vaxxers: Please Just Shut Up Already.

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This morning while scrolling through my Facebook feed, I saw a post by a Vet Tech friend of mine reminding us of the areas where Lyme Disease is prevalent, and to vaccinate our pets if we are in at risk areas.

Wait.  There’s a vaccine for Lyme disease?

And my dogs can have it, but my humans can’t?

So I looked into it.  And there used to be a vaccine against Lyme, developed in the early 2000’s amongst growing concerns that Lyme disease was becoming a very real and very scary public health concern.

The vaccine was kind of a cool one.  In really simple terms, it didn’t actually make the humans immune to Lyme disease.  It evoked a type of immune response that actually prevented the tick from being able to transmit the disease.  Basically, some antibodies would be swirling around in your blood, and when the tick bites you and starts to ingest your blood, these antibodies would bind to the infectious part of the bacteria in the ticks gut, making it unable to cross the dermis ( a skin layer) and infect the human.  It would usually take 2 or 3 doses to be most effective- and it was effective… about 80% on average.

That’s the Coles Notes version.  If you want to read more about it, here is the Oxford Journal of Medicine article. 

So what happened to the vaccine?  Well according to the above article and several others that I read, some people decided that the vaccine was causing a (Gasp!) side effect called autoimmune arthritis.   So the vaccine developers did some double blind studies and found that it actually wasn’t the case, the vaccine was safe and effective.

And then guess what happened?

The fucking Anti-Vaxxers got a hold of the story and started going to the media and suddenly the internet was flooded with stories of “vaccine victims” and all the horrors that this life saving vaccine was doing to the world.  Class action lawsuits were filed, the vaccine become more expensive to manufacture and defend than was worth it for the companies, and it was withdrawn.

And as usual, the allegations were based in sensationalism and pseudo-science and unproved hypothesis.  No matter what science disproved the theories or supported the safety and efficacy of the vaccine, hysteria won out again.

And now, I can protect my fucking dog from this horrible vector borne disease, but I can’t protect my children.

So, good morning, Anti-Vaxxers, and fuck you very much on this fine Tuesday morning.

Here’s the thing:  For a group that constantly screams ” MY CHOICE”  “YOU CAN”T MAKE ME PUT THINGS IN MY BODY”  you have taken my choice away from me. Why are you the only ones who get a choice?  WHO asked you to save people from things they don’t actually need saving from?

You know what I don’t what to put in my body?

Lyme Disease.  That’s what.

But I guess me and the kids will have to just take our chances this summer, because once again, you fucking know better.  Better than all the people who have spent their lives studying infectious disease. Better than all the doctors who want to prevent a potentially life altering disease that is difficult to detect early enough to treat and often difficult to treat.  A disease that can be effectively prevented with a decent vaccine.

And don’t tell me how it’s no big deal. How natural immunity is a thing.  We’re talking about a bacterial infection.  The kind that requires antibiotics to get better….if you catch it early enough.  For someone like me who has severe, life threatening allergies to a long list of antibiotics, that doesn’t make me feel very positive about how well I’d fare if I got Lyme disease.

So really, if you want to go ahead and continue not to protect yourself against a long list of preventable diseases, fine.  Go ahead and get sick.  Go ahead and risk disability.  Hell, go ahead and die, if that’s what having a choice means to you.

But stop taking away the choices of everyone else around you. Stay away from public places so you don’t accidentally pass on the measles to a baby too young to be vaccinated.  Don’t take the vaccines. Fine. It’s your body. But please just shut up long enough to allow the rest of us to make our own decisions concerning our bodies.  Whether or not I am vaccinated doesn’t affect you, so why fuck it up for me?

Stop getting in the way for those of us who believe in science and medicine and would otherwise have wanted to have the option of protecting ourselves and our children from things like Lyme disease.  Your choice has once again affected MY ability to choose what’s right for my family.

This is such bullshit.

At least my dog will still be ok though.  Thanks for letting the dogs live.

 

 

I Don’t Give A Shit How You Feed Your Baby, As Long As You Feed Your Baby.

Here’s the thing about Moms.  They (We) are the craziest, most passionate and stubborn group of people out there.  And it’s because we love our kids so much and want to give them every chance to succeed in life.

In this generation of Mothers, one of the hot topics is breastfeeding.  We have come to accept fairly consistently that “Breast is Best”. We fight for our right to breastfeed our children anywhere they need to be fed.  We have interest groups like the La Leche League who try to support women and help them breastfeed.  We have “Breastfeeding Awareness Week”or some other special recognition to help educate women about the benefits of breastfeeding.

And there have been numerous studies done that show how much better breastfed babies do in life when it comes to IQ and education.

Well.  Guess what?

There is now ANOTHER study ( read this article) that has been done that factors in things like socioeconomic status and IT shows that breastfeeding isn’t necessarily best.  It is barely statistically significantly better than formula.  That it is marginally better at most.

One of the things I found interesting is that families that are more educated and have a higher socioeconomic status are more likely to breastfeed.  I find that super weird because formula is fucking expensive.  You would think somebody that is close to the poverty line would be more likely to breastfeed, but I suppose they also have a lack of resources and education to help them through it.

Anyway, this is what I think:

I don’t give a shit how you feed your baby, as long as you feed your baby. 

Seriously.  It’s really that simple.

Why on earth is something so personal and beautiful as the relationship between a mother and her baby up for debate?

And why are people assholes sometimes about shit that doesn’t affect their life?

Let me be clear:   I love the idea of breastfeeding.  I think it is what nature intended.  I believe in and stick up for a mother’s right to breastfeed anywhere her baby is hungry.  I think it has many benefits besides just nutrition and antibodies.  I think it is a beautiful thing.

Until it isn’t.

So many women, ( myself included) tried really hard to breastfeed their children.  I wanted so desperately to have that experience.  With my first, no milk came in.  With my second, it came in and my boobs simply did not work.  I had nurses and lactation people come over every day.  We tried to hook up tubes to my nipples. We tried everything and it just didn’t work.  And then I felt like a big fat failure.

So here’s the thing:  When people advocate for something, regardless of the specific nature of the topic, they need to be very careful that their advocacy doesn’t turn into a statement of superiority.

Is breastfeeding really best?  For some I’m sure it is.

But I can tell you that all the “pro-breastfeeding” information also served (unintentionally) to make people like myself feel like they were failing their kids right from the start. So you have to be careful that your positive experience with something doesn’t serve to cut someone else down for having to make another choice.  A choice that now appears as though it is just as beneficial for their child.

And that’s the key.  THEIR CHILD.

I think what happens is that people take their own experiences and love them so much that they want everyone else to have them too.  We can’t understand how something so wonderful in our experience could ever be hard or shitty for someone else.  It truly starts out with the best of intentions, but we need to learn to accept that everyone has different circumstances and their choices need respecting too. I have seen moms want so desperately to have an experience with breastfeeding that is all unicorns and rainbows that their baby almost starves in the first few weeks because they can’t accept that it isn’t working.

We get so caught up on what should be, that we can’t accept what is.

So yes.  I support breastfeeding. And I support formula feeding.  I support all moms who love their babies, and I don’t think we need any more studies about how much smarter or prettier breastfeeding your child will or not will make them.  Because in the end, I don’t think that should or will have an impact on the choice a mother has to make.

I think it’s ok to share your experiences, but it needs to be an exchange.  Just trading war stories, you know? It might make someone know that there are options for them, but it should never make someone feel like shit for doing the best they can with the situation given to them.

So go feed your babies,Bitches, and leave my titties alone.

 

 

Take Your Parenting Mistakes And Your PhD And Shove Them.

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I am seriously so sick of reading articles like this one.  “20 most common parenting mistakes”  or some other bullshit.

Give them choices…..but not too many.

Get them involved in sports/activities…..but not too many or they turn into a bully.

Don’t try and make them happy. What?

Don’t praise them, but also don’t critique them.

I.Am.So.Confused.

What irks me is that all the information out there conflicts with itself a thousand times over.  I just can’t even read any more of these parenting advice crap articles because you know what?

My kids act like total assholes anyway.

So take your PhD and shove it up your ass.  Live a moment in my shoes, any parent’s shoes and then decide if your answers are so clear.

The past two days in this house have been terrible.  I’m sick, Husband is sick and the kids have been devils.  But without the charm and perks that come with hanging out with a devil.  Constant whining, fighting, non-cooperation.  I have listened to so much screaming that I feel like I am about to explode.

Last night they were being so bad that I decided to start bathtime early, because it usually distracts them from their assholery.  But oh not today, Bitches.  Today they used it as an opportunity to beat on each other and torture me further.

Buddy somehow managed to pour water up his sisters nose or something which resulted in me having to pull her out so she could vomit not in the bathtub.  Then he started spitting water out everywhere and being generally disgusting so I pulled him out and marched him to his room.

And of course, he slipped on the wet floor when I went to close the door and cranked his head on the hardwood.

So I get him calmed down and get them settled back in the tub when the phone rings and I go to answer it.  But no.  Because then I hear bloodcurling screaming coming from the tub because Destroyer has purposely taken all his toys and is taunting him.

So I, being the HUMAN that I am finally lose my cool.

I yank her out and send her to her room.  And I’m SUPER DONE and angry so I slam her bedroom door.  ( She doesn’t get that from me I promise)  And one of her picture frames falls off the shelf and breaks.  Because that’s what I get for being an asshole back to the kids.  Which, by the way, wasn’t on that list of 20 mistakes so I guess I’m still technically a good parent.

So anyway, bedtime was about 90 minutes early yesterday because I could not cope with one more second of the circus.

And my point?  Part of my point was that I just needed to bitch because it was a hard day and I felt like a shit parent and then I came across that stupid article this morning on msn.  And my other point is that it didn’t fucking matter how many days a week we do gymnastics or whether I praise them too many times or not enough times or I let her choose which pants to wear too many times or anything else.

My point is that sometimes kids are just tired little assholes that need to go to bed early, and I don’t need to read another goddamn article about how it’s my fault or how I fucked them up.

So there.

The Business Of Making Babies: Supporting Midwifery Care

 

Credit: Wellcome Library, London. Wellcome Images http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Who’s in the business of making babies?

Calm down.  Not me.  I had my two and would be happy to bake another baby-pie for y’alls entertainment, but I think this kitchen is closed.

There are however a whole lot of women out there who are in the business of making babies.

And then there’s the ones in the business of catching them.

MIDWIVES.

I personally did not have a midwife. You can read all about my heroic births here and here if you want a good laugh at my expense. My family doctor is one of those rare ones who does all of her own obstetrics (except when she is on medical leave at the end of your second pregnancy because fuck my life.)  She’s been my doctor since I was seventeen and I felt comfortable with the care and open relationship I have with her.  Had this not have been the case, I would have definitely sought out the care of a midwife rather than an OB.

But unfortunately it’s not that simple.

In Manitoba, we have about 50 practicing midwives, while the demand for midwifery care could support around 200.  That means that only 25 % of women who want to chose this kind of care and birth for their children are able to receive it.  Bitches, this is bullshit.

It is 2016.  Women are supposed to be in charge of their bodies and able to make informed decisions during pregnancy, labour and postpartum.  How is it that we are unable to provide necessary services to mothers and their newborns at a consistent level?

And yes.  Necessary.

How may of you have waited hours in an OB’s office waiting for your 10 minute prenatal appointment?  How many of you have spent the most vulnerable and raw moment of your life with a complete stranger as the resident on call came to catch the baby you were delivering and stitch up your vagina while he chatted casually with the nurses or you?  How many of your choices and desires were ignored or disrespected during labour or delivery because what you wanted was inconvenient for the hospital staff?  How many of you were laughed at or ignored at when you trusted your instincts and what your body was telling you during birth even when you were right?

All of those things happened to me.  And I have an awesome doctor who knows me well.

Midwifery care is different.  It’s personal.  It’s a bond of trust and care and guidance.  Of choices.  And those are all the necessary things you need during childbirth.

And there are some wonderful doctors out there.  Mine included.  But I can tell you from experience that labouring in a hospital and labouring at home are two completely different experiences.  And my doctor doesn’t make house calls.

So, what’s the solution?  Hire more midwives, right?

Not in this province.  First of all, the midwives here have been without a contract for two years.  Their current wages are so far behind the rest of the country that we keep losing the ones we have to other provinces where they are compensated better for the work they do.  They are about to strike, so we are about to have 0 practicing midwives if the province can’t get its shit together and offer them a decent deal.

The other issue is that we don’t really have a current training program.  A few years ago, the University of Manitoba teamed up with the College of the North in The Pas to develop a Midwifery program that included specific training in Aboriginal traditions and cultural sensitivity.

Sounds great right?  Women in rural communities without access to a hospital are the most in need of midwifery care.

Well, over 8 years,the program took in 26 students.  Only 8 graduated, and it cost the taxpayers 8 million dollars.  They have currently halted enrollment since 2015.  So now nobody is getting trained. *Edit:  There has apparently been a new intake of students in the fall of 2015.  Thank you readers!*

What the ever living fuck?  You’re going to invest a million dollars EACH to train these midwives and then you can’t compensate them properly when they are doing the job you deemed it was so critical to invest in?  Not only that, but half of them weren’t even offered full time positions.  So then the midwives we do have are so overworked with their clients that we don’t have enough of them to train the students.  AND SO it goes on.

We also built this beautiful birth center that is grossly underused.  With not enough midwives and doctors not allowed privellages there, it was a waste of money.  We keep trying to pretend like we are supporting women’s health and offering all these services, but we need to have an adequate number of midwives to make it all work.

The province needs to take a look at this.  They need to find a way to recruit, retain and train more midwives.  They need to stop putting the cart before the horse and get back to basics.  And for God’s sake, don’t lose any more of the ones we have.

If you are pregnant or planning to become pregnant, demand better care.  Insist that you have choices in your care.  Insist that you are provided all of the options and that they are available to you.  Because birthing in a hospital on a doctors timeline sucks balls sometimes.

 

Guest Blog: Home Is Where The Heart Is

 

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From the lips pen of Hurricane Alice’s Handler, here is a post about having to move away and make hard choices.

I can only say that the idea of moving to some beautiful paradise is very appealing.  We all dream about it.  But home is where the heart is, and it takes a brave person to move away from all support and comfort to face the uncertain and unknown.  Especially with a child.

Good luck, my friends!

Well, no take backs now. The sign is up, the house is on the market. We are moving our family from dead center North America, Winnipeg MB, home of mosquitoes and a normal annual temperature range of 70ºC (-35 to +35ºC). We are moving to Vancouver. One of the most expensive housing markets in the world. But they don’t even have screens on their windows, unless there is a cat to keep indoors, they don’t know what a block heater is, and most homes don’t need A/C during summer. We will be able to see the mountains, ocean and forest whenever we like.

My husband is having his mid-life crisis at 40 – fortunately it is only a professional one. He wants to make beer for a living and took an almost entry-level position at a brewery. He’s been well trained for the job already – his previous work gave him experience running the equipment and we invested in some education for him over the last year. And I don’t yet have a job, but just scouring the job ads tells me I should have something by fall. Something that is better than I’ve had in Winnipeg for 3 years. Maybe something that is better than I ever had.

So professionally, we should have done this 5 years ago, before we had our daughter. But we were content with the cards we had in hand at the time. So now, we have a crap hand and have to gamble by drawing new cards: new jobs, new home, new daycare, new friends. It is very bittersweet. I cried to see the For Sale sign on our front yard. We hosted our last party in our home of 8 years this weekend – and it was a little sad thinking we may not be sitting around a fire with our favorite people for a long while. Some friends actually left without saying good-bye – because they didn’t want to. We have a wonderful daycare in walking distance to our home which treats us like family. And our parents are here too – our rocks.

But we’ve realized that we need to teach our 3 year old daughter that if you don’t like the cards you are dealt, sitting there and bitching about them isn’t going to do anything to change them and make you happier. You have to take the risk and redraw. Maybe we’ll draw a Royal Flush. Maybe we’ll be forced to fold, with nothing other than a high card, and slink back to the prairies to be comforted by our friends and family. No matter the outcome, it will be an adventure. We are just hoping that luck is on our side.

 

World Breastfeeding Week?

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This is OK too, you know.

Did you know that it’s World Breastfeeding Week?

I have a little bit of a rant about this.  Maybe it’s because I wasn’t able to breastfeed either of my babies, despite my efforts.  Maybe it’s because I feel like we don’t high five the girls out there who give up on it because at some point it becomes more about the mom and not about a thriving child.

Don’t get me wrong.  I wish I could have breastfed.  In fact, I tried like hell this time around.  Everything short of attaching myself to a milking machine.  Some people probably think I didn’t try everything then, and shame on me.  But you know what?  I have a toddler to care for as well as a newborn.  My husband works long shifts.  And at some point, I refused to cut off my nose to spite my face.

Here’s the reason why I feel a little Hot on my Tits bout this.  As much as moms out there support one another in breastfeeding, whether it’s public, private, discreet, pumped milk, donor milk or whatever, there is not much mention of supporting those moms who feed their babies formula.  When moms talk about it, they make it seem like it is the last resort, and that you are hurting your child by making this choice.

And I find that really fucking frustrating.

How is it that my doctor is supportive of my choice and even confirmed that nutritionally formula is almost the same as breastmilk these days, and yet all these moms out there can make me feel like such shit about it?

And not even directly.  It’s comments like “I broke down and gave him a bottle in the end” after listening to their baby scream in hunger for hours when their milk was drying up that do it.  As if letting them suffer because formula is poison is an awesome parenting choice too.

A generation ago, it was really common to be bottle fed.  It’s not like we all turned out to be moronic monsters.  Or did we?

Anyway.  I support breastfeeding moms. I am envious of that ability.   I applaud those who try hard and find success.  I support the choices that we all make in order to care of our babies, but also ourselves.  If you are trying to breastfeed and it’s not working for whatever reason, it shouldn’t feel like a failure.  And if it does, I think it’s time to stop, because that’s SELF CARE.  And we, as mothers, tend to be martyrs sometimes.

But you know that saying?  “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”?

If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you’re not doing your baby any good either.

So yeah.  World Breastfeeding Week.  How about World I Love My Child Week?  How about World Women Supporting Women No Matter How They Feed Their Baby?

I just wish that sometimes, we knew how to be supportive of one thing without demonizing another.

And yes, I am a little jealous of the breastfeeders out there.  I missed out on something special with my children.  And if you think it’s convenient to have to make bottles all the time and plan how many to take to the park, think again.  I wish I had the luxury of unbuttoning my shirt and providing for my kid.  But I don’t.  So please, please, please, be as respectful of MY feelings and right to do what what’s best for my child as you are all expecting the rest of us to do for you.

Rant over.