F You, Silent K
by Cookie
This is probably the most pointless thing I will ever write. But seriously, I hate spelling in the English language.
As with other things in life that should be simple, we have this tendency to make things harder. Like we just want to make sure the kids are paying attention sometimes in class.
Top Ten words that should not be fucking spelled the way they’re spelled:
1. Knife. Come on. What the hell is the “k” for? K is for Kidding. As in, just kidding, knife doesn’t start with an “n”
2. Dough. Homer Simpson finally gets it right. “Doh” makes way more sense.
3. Jalapeno. I don’t give a shit if it’s Spanish. It’s prnounced “h”. Spell it with a fucking “h”.
4. Height. It sounds like kite. I vote for “hite”.
5. Jaromir Jagr. So technically, this is a name. He’s Russian. So what. The Y rule should win.
6. Knight and Night. See number 1 and number 4.
7. Colonel. It’s pronounced “kernel. It looks like COLON-el. Is this a round about way of calling military leaders asses?
8. Neighbor. Also, Neighbour, if you’re Canadian. Should be spelled “Naybore” unless you’re an asshole.
9. Zebra. Unless you’re British, where they don’t pronounce it Zeebra. Also, the Brits can pretty much do whatever they want with that accent.
10. Vaccuum. What the fuck, double, U?
You spelt ‘jalapeno’ wrong.
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see? It’s spelled so stupid that I can’t get it right. or wrong. or….whatever. :S
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And I believe Jagr is a Czech. You maybe need your Canadian card revoked. Well downgrade you to French or maybe American. Lol.
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Being Czech is no better an excuse for retarded spelling than being Russian.
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I hate how fridge is spelled with a “d”, but re”frige”rator has no d. WTF!?
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See? English is ridiculous!
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Hold up, number five. You pronounce that name with an “h” sound???
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Pretty sure it’s a “Y” sound.
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That’s what I thought, too!
Yaaaromeeer Yaaager
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lol. Yup. I think you got it. 🙂
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I fixed it. In my delirium of BOTH fucking children keeping me up all night, I had some serious typos. But you knew what I meant. Because you’re my person.
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U R So Fuking helaireus.
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My kids are in the midst of learning to spell. The joys of the stupid spellings of the English language are so much fun to teach. Why does ‘gh’ make an ‘f’ sound? why does ‘ph’ also make an ‘f’ sound? WTF?
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lol!
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why do we spell some words that start with a ‘ZED’ sound, with the letter “Z”, as in ‘Zebra’, and others with an ‘X’, as in ‘Xylophone’?
for sake of consistency, shouldn’t it be –
Zebra and Zylophone or
Xebra and Xylophone
😆
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I love all these suggestions. I feel a revolution coming on…..
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Frankly, with Doh, why the hell do we even need the h?
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An oversight on my part, obviously. I’m glad someone else is on it!
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